AITA for freaking out after my husband confessed he’s been polyamorous our entire relationship?

My husband always told me he was monogamous—until today, six months into our marriage, when he suddenly revealed he’s actually polyamorous and has been hiding it for years.

We’ve been together for two years and married for six months. From day one, he identified as monogamous, which worked perfectly for me because that’s how I am too. But out of nowhere, he confessed that he’s “always been polyamorous,” realized it as a teenager, and hid it from me because an ex once dumped him over it. He claimed he feared I’d react the same. I was stunned—not only because he withheld something huge, but because he chose today of all days to admit it with no clear reason. When I pushed back, he insisted it wasn’t about me not being enough, just that “being with one person forever felt off” and he didn’t want to be tied to only one partner.

I thought I married a monogamous man. Six months in, he tells me he’s been poly the whole time—and now I’m stuck between his identity and my boundaries, with no idea how to move forward.

He tried to reassure me that I’m “enough,” but that didn’t help much when he also said he didn’t want to be with only one person forever. Meanwhile, I’ve never wanted anything but a monogamous relationship. I don’t judge poly relationships—they’re just not for me. I reminded him that marriage is literally a legal commitment to one partner, and he couldn’t explain why he signed that knowing he still identified as poly. His confession left me questioning whether he hid this intentionally or simply hoped it would go away.

"Being with one person felt off, and I didn’t want to be tied to just one person forever."

After I cooled down, I tried to consider things from his perspective. I don’t want him to have to suppress who he is, but the idea of opening our marriage makes me physically ill. Every resource says communication is essential in poly relationships—talking about dates, partners, boundaries—but even imagining him seeing someone else makes me miserable. I have zero desire to date others, so any change here would benefit only him. That imbalance feels painful and unfair.

"Even the idea of him telling me about people he’s seeing makes me feel sick."

Now I’m stuck. I don’t see a compromise where we’re both happy. I don’t want him to hide who he is, but I also can’t see myself accepting a poly marriage. I feel trapped between hurting him or hurting myself, and I have no idea what the next step is. I want advice, but the situation feels impossible—two totally different relationship expectations suddenly exposed mid-marriage.

🏠 The Aftermath

There’s no concrete fallout yet—no trial separation, no immediate decisions—but the emotional impact is huge. I’ve been left questioning the foundation of our marriage, wondering how long he planned to tell me and why he chose now.

He says he wants me to be happy, yet his revelation shifts our entire future. I’m trying to process whether this is a solvable mismatch or a fundamental incompatibility that was hidden until after we married.

Right now, we’re in limbo: two people who love each other but may not want the same kind of relationship at all. The consequences are emotional—breached trust, shaken stability, fear of what comes next.

"It’s hard to rebuild trust when the truth changes the entire shape of the relationship."

I’m trying to take it one conversation at a time, but the weight of this confession hangs over every thought about our future. It’s a strange mix of love, confusion, disappointment, and dread.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a collision of identities and expectations: his long-held poly identity versus my deeply rooted monogamy. Neither is wrong, but they’re fundamentally mismatched—and that mismatch was hidden until after we made a lifelong commitment.

I can empathize with him not wanting to lose another partner over this, but withholding it until marriage created a breach of trust that’s hard to ignore. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure him into monogamy if it makes him unhappy. We’re both stuck between who we are and what we promised each other.

There’s no easy answer. Some will say marriage vows come first; others will say authenticity matters even when it’s messy. All I know is that opening the relationship would break me, and pretending nothing changed would likely hurt him.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“He hid a core part of himself until after marriage. That’s not fair—you didn’t consent to a poly relationship.”

“You’re not wrong for wanting monogamy. Some relationships just aren’t compatible, even with love.”

“He deserves to be honest about who he is, but you deserve a marriage you actually agreed to—therapy might help, but this could be a dealbreaker.”

Reactions will likely split between calling this a breach of trust and recognizing the pain of suppressing identity, with most noting the lack of informed consent.

🌱 Final Thoughts

A marriage built on mismatched expectations will always strain under the weight of what wasn’t said. His confession forces a hard truth: love doesn’t automatically make two people compatible.

Now comes the real question—do we try to reshape the relationship into something new, or accept that we married with different realities in mind?

What do you think?
Would you try to work through a revelation like this, or see it as a fundamental dealbreaker? Share your thoughts below 👇