AITA for not knowing what to do after my fiancé spiraled, shut me out, and left me with our baby and no home?

My fiancé and I planned a life together — a home, a baby, a future — and then he shut me out completely. Now I’m heartbroken, confused, and trying to understand how everything fell apart so fast.

My fiancé and I bought a house a few years ago, but only his name went on the title because most of the down payment came from his RRSP. I felt uneasy but went along with it because we were supposed to get married after saving a bit more. I paid for our moving costs and furnished the entire house, so our contributions felt balanced at the time. Last November, we had our daughter — a child he said he wanted. But during my pregnancy, he suddenly started gambling, something completely new. He blew through a few paycheques before agreeing to let me take control of his account. Then I gave birth. Just four weeks postpartum, he said he had the flu and left to stay with his parents for “a few days.” It turned into an entire month. When he returned, he claimed he had a massive work project and needed to focus. But he stopped speaking to me, stayed awake all night and slept all day, ignored me and our newborn, and isolated himself in his room. HR eventually called me — he hadn’t logged in for days. They sent a wellness check. Still, he shut me out.

I went from building a family with him to being completely cut off — blocked, ignored, helpless — with no idea what happened or why.

For a month and a half, he kept isolating, refusing to speak to me, eating alone, ignoring our baby, and claiming he was overwhelmed with “work.” Then he demanded his bank card back and immediately locked me out of the account. Soon after, he gambled again. When I tried to talk to him, he screamed at me. I finally went to my parents’ house for a few days just to breathe. He barely responded to texts except to tell me to “fuck off” and say he was depressed. Sometimes he’d reply and threaten therapy as a condition for me coming home, but most of the time he ignored me. June, July, August — months of silence, neglect, and confusion while I raised our daughter alone and worried about bills and the mortgage.

"I have no idea if we are together anymore. I don’t even know what happened."

In September, he finally sent a message: he was behind on the mortgage and needed money. I sent it. He thanked me, said things would get better soon, and told me I’d be able to return home. But then he shut down again, only responding to tell me to leave him alone. Sometimes, randomly, he’d say he loved me and missed us — then go silent for weeks. Now it’s November. Just before our daughter’s first birthday, he blocked my phone number and blocked me on Facebook. I can’t reach him at all. I don’t know if the mortgage is being paid. I don’t know if the house will go into repossession. I don’t know if my furniture or belongings are safe. I don’t know if my four cats — who he refused to let me collect — are okay. I don’t even know what he believes our relationship is. His parents are talking to him, but they won’t tell me anything. They just say he “won’t talk about this.”

"I feel like I’ve lost everything."

Now I’m living in my brother’s basement with our daughter. I’m exhausted, terrified, grieving a relationship I can’t even confirm is over, and I have no idea what comes next.

🏠 The Aftermath

My fiancé has shut every door of communication. I can’t reach him, and his parents won’t intervene beyond giving vague updates. I don’t know if he’s in a mental health crisis, actively gambling, or both. Meanwhile, I’m left to raise our daughter alone while worrying about unpaid bills, a house I can’t access, and pets I can’t reach.

The loss feels total — my home, my partner, my stability, the future we built. It’s like he vanished emotionally long before he blocked me, and I’m just now catching up to how deep the abandonment really is.

I’m trying to hold myself together for my baby, but I’m grieving a life that collapsed without warning or explanation.

"I feel like I’m standing in the ruins of a life I thought was real."

I don’t know what the next steps are — legally, emotionally, or practically — but I know I can’t stay in limbo forever.

💭 Emotional Reflection

You didn’t do anything wrong — you were committed, invested, and trying to keep your family afloat. What you’re facing isn’t a normal breakup. It’s abandonment layered with addiction, mental health struggles, and emotional abuse.

It makes sense that you’re confused. It makes sense that you’re grieving. Anyone would be devastated watching their partner disappear piece by piece without explanation.

Your fiancé’s behavior isn’t about you. Gambling addiction, untreated depression, isolation, and avoidance can take over a person’s life, but they don’t justify shutting out the mother of his child or leaving you in limbo. You deserve clarity, security, and support — none of which he is providing.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“This isn’t your fault — you’re dealing with someone in crisis who won’t let you in.”

“You need legal advice immediately. He’s unstable, and your baby’s future depends on you taking action.”

“You didn’t lose everything — you left someone who was actively hurting you. That’s strength, not failure.”

Most people would urge you to seek legal support, protect yourself and your daughter, and get answers through official channels rather than waiting for someone who’s refusing to show up for you.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’ve been carrying the weight of this alone, but you don’t have to. What happened to you is traumatic, confusing, and unfair — and you deserve stability for yourself and your child. Even though it feels like you’ve lost everything, you still have options, support, and a future beyond this chaos.

Your fiancé may be drowning in his own issues, but you’re allowed to save yourself and your daughter. You’re allowed to rebuild. You’re allowed to move forward even if he won’t.

What do you think?
When someone shuts you out completely, is waiting ever the right choice — or is taking legal and emotional steps forward the only way to reclaim your life? Share your thoughts below 👇