AITA for not warning my ex about his new wife’s problems after he left me days before our wedding?

I was left by my fiancé a few days before our wedding; he got engaged three months later and married another woman three months after that. I knew the new wife vaguely and had concerns — people asked me to warn him, but I stayed out of it. Now he says I should have warned him. AITA?

I’m 35F. About a year ago I was engaged and very much in love. A few days before the wedding I asked if we could try therapy because I was struggling with some disrespectful behaviours from him. Instead of discussing it he exploded, cancelled the wedding unilaterally, sent cancellations to guests, and did other things that really hurt me. I was devastated, tried to make things work for a while, then stopped and focused on rebuilding my life.

I was left days before our wedding, I tried to move on, and months later he was engaged and married quickly — people urged me to warn him about his new partner, but I didn’t get involved, and now he’s angry I didn’t.

Three months after we split he was engaged, and three months after that he was married. I knew the new wife vaguely — she’s 35 and from my community. I didn’t think she was very pleasant: she often seemed miserable, defensive, and I’d received a couple of passive-aggressive comments from her in the past. Because of that history, a few mutual acquaintances asked me to contact her before she married him and warn her about his behaviour toward me. I chose not to interfere and focused on moving on instead.

"People asked me to warn her — but I didn't want to get involved in their marriage."

A few months into their marriage I ran into him. We made polite small talk; he looked down and admitted he was struggling. He asked if I knew the new wife and whether I knew about her mental health diagnoses and personality disorders, because others had hinted he’d been kept in the dark. I said I didn’t know about formal diagnoses. He then became emotional and accused me of knowing and not warning him out of spite. I told him it wasn’t my responsibility and left it at that.

"He got emotional and accused me of withholding information to spite him."

His reaction shook me. I was hurt by how he left me, but seeing him distressed made me wonder if I should have done something differently. People now tell me her mental health has worsened since the wedding. I’m left wondering whether I should have warned him or spoken up earlier — would that have changed anything or was it never my place?

🏠 The Aftermath

After our brief reunion he left emotionally charged and upset; the marriage continued but with apparent difficulties. Rumours say the new wife's mental health has deteriorated since the wedding. People who knew both of us are split — some wish I'd warned him, others understood why I stayed out of it.

For him: shock, regret, and emotional turmoil in the months after marrying quickly. For her: reportedly worsening symptoms and strain in the marriage. For me: continued healing after a painful breakup, and now second-guessing whether my decision to stay out was right.

Concrete consequences include marital stress for them, gossip and judgement in our community, and my own lingering doubt about whether staying silent helped or harmed anyone.

"I didn't warn him — I chose to move on and not insert myself into their lives."

I haven’t attempted further intervention; the situation has made me question boundaries and responsibility in difficult social situations.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a clash between moral impulse and personal boundaries. On one hand, people sometimes feel a duty to warn others about red flags; on the other, unsolicited warnings can be intrusive, damaging, and based on incomplete information. You were hurt by his sudden breakup and had every reason to protect yourself and not become entangled in someone else's relationship decisions.

Had you warned him, it’s unclear whether he would have listened or whether the outcome would have changed. You can’t control what another adult does with information you give them, and you weren’t responsible for policing his future choices — especially after he’d caused you harm. That said, if multiple mutual friends were worried, a coordinated, factual, non-judgmental heads-up might have been a different path than a personal intervention — but it’s easy to judge in hindsight.

Reasonable people may disagree: some will say you missed an opportunity to prevent pain; others will say you protected your boundaries and deserved to move on without taking responsibility for their marriage. The real lesson is about boundaries, accountability, and how to act when asked to intervene in others' lives.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You were allowed to move on after he hurt you — not your circus, not your monkeys.”

“If multiple people were worried, a gentle, factual conversation might have helped — but it’s understandable you didn’t want to get involved.”

“He made his choice to marry quickly; blaming you for not warning him feels unfair.”

Reactions will split between sympathy for your boundaries and curiosity about what might have been — but most will recognise you had no obligation to fix someone else’s choices after they broke your trust.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You were entitled to protect your emotional recovery and not become the town messenger about someone you hadn’t kept close ties with. Warning someone about a potential partner is a heavy responsibility that only makes sense when done carefully, calmly, and with clear facts — not as a reaction to being hurt.

If you feel unsettled, you can still reach out now with honesty (if you think it would help) or accept that some outcomes aren’t yours to manage. Your peace of mind matters — you did what you needed to heal, and that’s valid.

What do you think?
Would you have warned him, or kept your distance like I did? Share your thoughts below 👇